Spam

I recently got a mail from google that shook me off completely

Blogger
to me
show details
Dec 14 (6 days ago)
Dear Blogger user, This is a message from the Blogger team. Your blog, at http://lostconfusedandconfident.blogspot.com/, has been identified as a potential spam blog. For an explanation of what spam blogs are, please see Blogger Help: http://help.blogger.com/bin/answer.py?answer=42577 You will not be able to publish posts to your blog until we review your site and confirm that it is not a spam blog. To request a review, please fill out the form found here: http://www.blogger.com/unlock-blog.g?lockedBlogID=3827509568294412998 We will take a look at your blog and unlock it within four business days. Please note that if we do not hear from you within 20 days, we will remove your blog. If this blog does not belong to you, then you do not have to do anything. Any other blogs you may have will not be affected. Since you are an actual person reading this, your blog is probably not spam. We find spam by using an automated classifier. Automatic spam detection is inherently fuzzy, and occasionally a blog is flagged incorrectly. We sincerely apologize for this erroneous result. By using this kind of system, however, we can dedicate more storage, bandwidth, and engineering resources to users like you instead of to spammers. Thank you for your understanding and for your help in our spam-fighting efforts. Sincerely, The Blogger Team

I SPAM!! What do they mean by spam. Now here is a boy who has just started blogging, this is his first ever stint at writing. On one hand you encourage him to blog by marketing blogging as the in thing and then you go and block his blog. But thank god for small mercies, I reverted to this mail and now the blog seems to be working fine.

P.S. If you ever want to publicize your blog, sending link to all your 500 friends is not a good idea.

Mirror Mirror on the page

Wake up, go see the sea (I was staying at marine drive this time! Wow I love this bank). Go to balcony, scratch oops i mean stretch. Come to drawing room pick up a tabloid. First I thought the paper is not properly organized and someone has just kept the third page on front. I flip through the tabloid to find the first page and suddenly realize. The below is the front page .

Whoop! Can you beat it, this was the first page of a popular tabloid. And the name of the tabloid hits me harder, is it really a mirror of Mumbai. The poor guy in the photo does not even belong to Mumbai and has never played for Mumbai even in local day night tournaments ever. I am no expert on the media and the journalism but even to me the above piece seems to be a total rip off of the profession.

Mumbai never fails to surprise me.

Aadmi hun Aadmi se PYAR karta hun

Gay confrontations in Mumbai

The city seems to be a gay paradise. There are gay clubs, gay pubs and someone told me even gay gangs. Some people actually go overboard in announcing it. And some people in better jobs enjoy it while being on security duty at the Haji Ali entrance point. I have no issues with sexual orientation of anyone and I completely respect such natural tendencies. But at the same time I am opposed to any homosexual confrontations, just like I am opposed to eve teasing, harassment and molestation of the opposite sex. During my stay at the city of dreams I had some bitter confrontations. Here is the account on that.

Confrontation one: I am traveling on local train it’s crowded as it has to be. The compartment is jam packed to the extent that I am almost in the superman-taking-off position, not holding on to any hangers and still not shaking a micro centimeter, due to hoards of people. While standing in such a yogic position, I suddenly feel a hand moving across my crotch, first I ignored it thinking someone just might have accidentally hum ah… but the strokes continued and I was taken a back. I looked into all the faces around me; each of them was expressionless like that of a clerk at government tourism desk. With great difficulty I pulled back and tried to catch the hand. I failed. I am sure for the committer my organ was as faceless as for me his hand. But how can anyone even try something as absurd as this in crowded place like Mumbai local.

Confrontation two: Mastram was fellow trainee at the training I attended in Mumbai. Mastram, as the name suggests is cheerful and equally colorful gay guy. He did not confront me physically but threw vital hints and invitations. Couple of things he said were, “yar, I am kindda heterosexual male and like to move with lots of guys around. You know what I mean (smirk)”. Yeah I know what u mean but I don’t even want to understand why you telling this to me. When this did not work he invited me for a drink to his home, I tried to escape by giving excuse of traveling he said he will come over and gave a wide grin when I told him he could not have stayed over at the guest house, as there was only one bed. He was delighted to know that.

No complaints against Mastram, lots of straight people do flirt / chance maro with the other gender. I do. But the kind of physical molestation I underwent in first incident shattered me. I wonder, what would be going inside such a mind while doing something that. Was that person really deprived, desperate or was he purely experimental? Was it really his fault or is it because the system and society that discourage him to come out in open and admit his preferences? Was it him alone or there are many who go to crowded places like local only for such physical pleasure. If there are many, my appeal, stop doing it, your single action may make people generalize and hate the whole homosexual community. Also no one boards local thinking, “wow! It’s crowded today, let’s see how many of these people are interested in stroking me.” So do yourself a favor and resist the temptation.

Mumbai

I was in Mumbai for one week. Jotting down highlights of my week at the city that never sleeps.

Day one:
Marine lines and Charni road: Beautiful, awesome and romantic place missed motu. Did not smoke, the panipuri at the chopati is good.

Day two:
Haaji Ali: surprised to sea such a peaceful place at the centre of Mumbai. Was not crowded for a change, sitting in the backyard of dargah is blissful. Wanted to smoke, could not. Go after 9 in the evening on Mon-thu to feel the place.

Day three:
Totos at Bandra: Mumbai’s answer to Bangalore pubbing. Good ambience, rock(ing) music and surprisingly affordable. Was a chaos even on a Wednesday. Smoked, might not want to come back here.

Day four:
Market Area: I love markets, I find them more fascinating than a graceful woman. The hustle bustle of these trade intensive low margin markets keep Mumbai running. A larger part of the trading activity in India is affected directly or indirectly by these markets. Crowfard, Raminton and Manish markets are kind of price barometers of lots of products for rest of India. I will come here again. Went to Marine lines again, smoked.

Day Five:
Most amazing day. Went to Gateway for fairy ride, walked back to Churchgate and had beer at the best-view place in Mumbai i.e. Pizzeria. It’s the place with sea view on Churchgate sea face a must visit when in Mumbai; opp to Baskin Robins and mocha. Walked back till Charni Road, took last local to reach guest house.

Day Six:
Met the tamilian gang. They look so much out of place in Mumbai. KK, Gundu and the six guys had all the plans ready for the evening. I was the star of evening, as always, the Tamilian Mafia gets impressed by me pretty easily. I think that’s the beauty, they just give in. Half of us were drunk like fish when we decided to walk out and have dinner at a roadside dosa place (what if drunk, they are still Tamilians). He-man poured his heart out in front of me (dude I am not what u think I am, I might just spill it infront of someone else, I have never done this to anyone but I fear when anyone trusts me). KK, was all emotional to have spent one more memorable evening (see I have that effect on people I like). Kat was not drunk but he said an evening like this was not thinkable without me (Kat thanks if it was a compliment). I got good kick and behaved like a drunkard after a long time. Logged in late in the night, SW was not there. Good night to me, all the Tamilians were asleep already. Gundu went to her home.

Thanks KK, Gana, Kam and Kat for pampering drunkard me; like a kid. I ll always love you for that.

Day seven:
Hangover, a very bad one. Still gathered myself and went to Siddivinayak, see I am one of those religious types, this was my third religious place. Hangover. The place is over crowded, I may not go there again. Hangover. Boarded flight for back home with lots of good times. Hope hangover goes off after this black coffee.

Thank you KK, Gundu, Tam Gang, Udu, Kiddo and SW for making it a wonderful stay.

Checklist
Go to Crowfard Market Check
Go to Manish Market Check
Go to Siddivinayak Check
Pick up FF’s parcel Oops
Meet SW Ditched
Go to haji ali Check
Drink lots of beer Check

Next post: Gay confrontations in Mumbai.

Banker

A banker, sexier though it may sound is nothing but a mere number. His work, clients, colleagues and achievements everything is a number, just like his contact details. Bosses love him when his numbers are good and would not take much time to disown him if the numbers go southwards. so how does a banker keeps up the numbers.

A banker’s life is not easy, specially if he is in sales. To meet his numbers he tries various things, few of them are listed below.

Googling: Google is like oxygen to a banker. To find new client data first thing he does is go Google. A retail relationship manager Googls to find out who is who and whose got how much? He will search all the trade directories to talk to the MDs and CEOs of small and big companies. The corporate sales RM, out of his whims keeps putting in search criteria, like exporters / importers in my city, middle market companies, the one who exported hair of devotees, the one who exports cocks and hens etc. Higher the frustration level, funnier the search criteria. The banker who is already talking to a client and conspiring to land some money to him, Googls to find out the credibility of such client.

Business Newspaper: The fresher thinks reading the business newspaper will help him know lots of things about lots of companies and he can call them. He does not realise that most of these lots of new things about lots of old companies are cooked by none but the company. And when you call the CFO, he puts you on hold for a while. On the other line he dials his MD and the conversation goes “Sir (laughing) yes, I am on other line with him, you were right about these bankers, he he he, now we will cook it”. Wake up, the actually good companies are already over banked and their wives (existing bankers) would not let them talk to you.

Writing names when on the way: This is the most funniest way to generate leads, while on the way to meet the clinet, he keeps looking out of the cab (your bank paid for it) window, just to see if there is any worthy (looking big from outside) company that he can call up for meeting. the poor banker keeps making long lists of such names only to realize these are not googlable and because there are no Google results he assumes these companies not big enough, forget it... he he he

Talk to old lost friends: He starts getting in touch with all the auto and pan walas he used to know once. Spends lots of time on Orkut just to find out which of his friends, their friends and their friends are working with a worthy corporate. After several scraps, he will call him up a friend and the dialogue will go like this... hi bindi how u doing? remember me? the one! we met once on the tram to sonaganchi... ya ya the guy who was not carrying condoms, no not the one who was not wearing innerwear... na re baba u r confusing, the one who was looking for cost effectiveness and not quality. Yes bang on the lanky fellow with mooch and chashma. After doing the initial remember me exercise he hits the nail. Yar, I heard u working in the finance dept of Cant Fix a Bug Ltd. would it be possible for u to get me introduced to ur boss. I am working with Hamesha Sabke Behind Chalta bank now and thought if you guys would be interested in looking at our structural working capital no one understand solutions that we provieei... Beep beep beep beep.

Socialize: The sexiest souonding activity. Imagine going to golf course, joining clubs, the high end health parlors, the can not afford salons and the high-end discs with a hope to socialize with the corporate bigwigs. But if u belong to the unlucky gang nothing of these super expensive things will work. The golf course would be full of retired defense personnel. The clubs u can afford are full of bankers, they made the same mistake. The health parlors are full of has grown out of size kids of industrialist, who do not know a thing about what their self proclaimed fathers do. The salons are crowded with the wives of these quality contacts, who can have u as their candy boy but will not introduce you to their hubby. The discs are full of kids who just want to get high; u knew it.


However strange and innovatively useless the above may sound, the life of a sales guy in a bank is like that. The poor sole keeps changing the strategies, sources, databases and at times him self just for that single convert / click / sale. And when that account happens, no one can gauge his happiness. He is on different level, the feeling is nothing less than good sex. Confident, like on top of the world.

And the award goes to

Tdv recently wrote a nice blog and has announced the names of the five funniest people he has ever met. And guess what??? I feature on that list… (I am copy pasting his blog entry below, as his blog is in private beta right now and he does not want to share the IP address with many people)

Oh my god I just cant believe it… is it really happening to me? Oh god help me. I must thank few people for this distinct honor. I want to thank the ganpat, cho and the TPO for being what they are and inspiring me to rip their personality off. I specially want to thank TPO for being so uselessly beautiful. Cho for not shooting my boss, as I would not have quit that job and come into this wonderful position. I want to thank ganpat, for being the bastard he is, without him lots of conversations with TDV would have been dry like gin. I would like to thank the rhino, as he inspired me to not to work hard enough and divert most of my energy towards veining away. And finally I would like to thank myself for being the wonderful person that I am;)

blog entry of TDV

Starts

Laughing all the way to the bank
Humour is such a divine emotion. Its my favourite. I've heard people make powerful, moving speeches and yet have lost debates because the opponent used humour. Humour warms people hearts and they are always hungry for more. Have you ever come out of a cinema hall and said, 'ho boy, too much humour'. Everyone wants to be around people who make them laugh. Who are the people who make you laugh? I decided to compile a list of top 5 people I know, whom I'm instantly reminded of having a great sense of humour. Here it is, 1. A N (batchmate from IIFT- The Great Indian Laughter Champion)2. D D (batchmate from school- creative musical humour)3. T M (batchmate from Hindu- dry, witty, situational humour)4. N V (batchmate from school- slapstick sleazy humour)5. V M (friend from job- lostconfusedandconfident.blogspot.com)Whats your list?Do women have a SoH? i think not.Unfortunately, I have been working in a place which is a graveyard for humour. Anything funny is frowned upon. And if you want to say something remotely funny, be sure to test it on a few friends and sleep over it for a couple of nights. I work in a bank. There is wisdom in old phrases like, 'laughing all the way to the bank' because once inside you might be pulled up for misconduct. 'He was caught laughing in the corridor during office hours'. To be fair, it IS hard for bank employees to have a sense of humour. I mean, imagine telling a customer, 'We charged you an interest rate that would make Shylock proud' or 'Your cheque bounced like popcorn in a microwave'. However, there are two kinds of humour prevalent in my bank. The no-women-around-lets-quickly-crack-dirty-jokes variety and the property-prices-are-rising-in-chennai-oh-stop,-ur-killing-me kind.It is under these difficult circumstances, that me and my friend Vijay managed to create a few memorable characters.1. Cho: The chappie who was getting fired. We imagined he might do a Cho( a la Virginia Tech.) and end up killing our bosses.2. Ganpat: The shortie, who on account of his shortness managed to get into everyones ass and thus being a PITA.3. TPO: the girl who looked good from a distance. Our collective thoughts about her would make a serial rapist blush. She was visually maligned so much by everyone in the bank that she once stood up in an office meet and said, "Main tum sab ke bacche ki maa banne waali hoon."

blog entry ends.

I shared this with FF and she found it musing. She thinks I am anything but funny. Now what she said made sense to me, as I have never been funny in front of her. I think I can be what the other wants me to be. TDV is a funny guy and he likes similar people around. FF is a person minus Sense of humor and I am like her with her. Now is it good or bad. Does it mean I am not true me, does it mean I lack being one, or does it mean I am not what I am. Confused again.