Down down

Hey Hi

Writing something after a long time... The life has been a slippery slop for sometime... In May boss made my job redundant... N he made it worst by rating my performance as zero... I tried everything, inserting myself into new initiatives... Coming up with new ideas to scale business... Arguing with him and fighting him... Nothing worked... He seem to be on a mission to reduce me to zero... My days at this job were clearly numbered... it took toll on me in more ways than one... I was switched off at home most of the times... Started loosing weight... Shedding hair like a tree in fall... ulcers of varied kinds... Started calling up ppl, whom I hang on to... Most of them were extremely kind and patient with me... Sympathetic most of the times and worst scenario intent listeners... I can't thank them enough... But it wasn't enough... 

Awkward Fligh

A couple of weeks back i was traveling to Mumbai. I boarded the flight in time in the Morning after having my regular breakkie at airport. I took my mobile and headphones out upon taking my window seat in 16th row... I started watching the series that I had planned on completing during my Mumbai trip. I was pretty hooked on to the series and didn't want to miss a minute and delay watching it... the series was Sex Education. if u have watched it, most of the episodes of the series start with a steamy sex scene (may not be very graphic but hot nonetheless)... This episode started with an Asian girl on top of her American boy friend, she seemed pretty engrossed and was yelling madly while on her trip to heaven and back. The scene was set in the bedroom of the girl. She was on her way to reaching the crescendo, that's when she took the pillow and put it on the face of the guy... Having covered his face, she cam and started yelling even louder than every... the entire scene would have lasted 30 seconds or less... but it was very engrossing to put it mildly... The introduction title and song started playing after this scene... That's when i had this guilty pleasure that i had seen something that no one else had... no how glad i was that no one else knew what i had seen... with that relief I started looking around and saw that almost everyone was looking at me... I was feeling a bit awkward...

I realised my bluetooth headphones were not working... all this while i had been watching that scene on the speaker of the phone, as my bluetooth never got paired after turning the flight mode off.

The rest of the flight i pretended to sleep... i didnt even take my usual yogurt... I continued to sleep until the last person de-boarded the flight.

Sex Education

No not here to teach anything on sex inspite of wife spread ban on popular porn sites... Sex Education is a series on Netflix... It's about high school kids and how they r exploring their sexuality... While the sex and Gyan around it is the theme there r lots of things around relationships... N it's amazing how the stories of school kids apply to that of adults in corporate worlds 

1. Otis loves Maev and she has fallen for Jackson, who is hunk of the school and is a golden boy... To stay sane Otis goes after Ola, who is a brilliant girl and my favorite character... 

I have seen similar situation in office only in this story Maev and Otis were married, not to each other obviously and Otis didn't go after anyone.

The attractions, chemistry and the agony were very similar

2. Otis had a friend, Eric,knows everything about Otis... This friend is kind of a side kick and sage both... He is bold and has lot of worldly wisdom... The friend usually pops up on the scene whenevet Otis needs him... I know that guy, actually I have been that guy

3. Eric has a love story too but he ends up cheating on that... Well not exactly but it's contextually true...

4. They have a headteacher who is a moron... Isnt it every boss...

5. There is a group of three who looks at majority of ppl in a condescending way... That group of three is most sales ppl... Or the early teams in start up who have lost plot...

6. Otis is also an expert on sex and in every office there is this career advisor... I will like to think it s me...

Few more may be in good time

How to lose friends

So here I am after a long long time... N I am going to use lots of I and me in this one. So if u are also one of those who wants to stay away from me then... Wait y the hell did u come here if u want to stay away from me.


I am not a person who makes great friends in a jiffy. In fact in spite of being a sales guy I take ages to let anyone peep inside me. I m kind of a pvt person. So if u think u know me, well unless u r GJ u actually don't know shit about me.

N u don't know me cause I never wanted u to know me. I would rather go see a doc than trust u, n if I have confided in u well u have no idea how special u r to me. I will do anything for u. N u will always mean a world to me.

N in spite of having few friends I have done a spectacular job of fucking up two friendships in a year. One got fucked up cause Toxic is chutiya and I don't really care about it. The second one was so special I kind of changed my whole being to be worthy... N still I fucked it up and I don't even know why... A friendship I was actually committed to absolutely selflessly... N I still fucked it up... A friend I opened up my jade black and darkest secrets, secrets I will dread to think about in the loneliness... N I still fucked it up...

OK n now that I have fucked it up... How does it matter

Enough blabbering 

Friendship is undergoing a definition Change

The overturn of the whole being.

Till now life was all about being fun, having fun. Helping friends, understanding them and talking to them on their face. Its gone well till now, in fact very well. being blunt helps you in separating friends from crowd. The friends take it in their stride and tell you on your face as well. they are called friends cause they take a place in your life that the crowd cannot. They are not friends cause they are the best in the world but because they mean a world to you.

But recently I have started questioning the whole belief about friendship. The friendships have changed the whole premise of the friendships have changed. The moment you bring up inconvenient topic the friendship changes. Nobody brings up your inconvenient topics, should i be thankful for that? Or should u doubt your selection of friends?

These are the ppl who effect you a lot, so what are you supposed to do? Keep speculating about the inconvenient topics about them, gossip about it, forget it as it is someone else’s life. Hmmm doesn’t it change the whole premise?

Is it part of growing up, is it what it means to be mature. That u suck up your problems and don’t worry about that of others’?

It all seems too screwed up right now. And it kind of invalidates the whole theory you have been living with until now.

So what am i going to do? First thing, Change. No not going to stop giving importance to friends and the whole friendship thing. Afterall friends and friendships define a large part of my life. But going to have stronger measures and yardsticks around whom i call friends and who move to the crowd bucket. Be very cautious before qualifying anyone as a friend. Build the walls a little taller. Act mature and be cold. Hmmm thats what i am going to do.

 These changes will probably make me stronger. Eliminate weakness, shouldn’t all the weak and weakness be eliminated? Isn’t it what Darwin mean by survival of fittest?

Will it be Being more or Being less

Happy Day

April 16

This was supposed to an email to a friend. And because it came out ok and I was feeling lazy, I thought I will use this as my next post. I haven’t penned any personal email in a long time

But today is a special day. A day I should celebrate and note down somewhere as a day I was really happy. Need to note it down because this day may lose its significance as one of those days when things happen you feel happy and then move on with your life. I think I will ask FB to remember this day. They seem to be kickass at it.

Today morning it looked like just another day. Got up with my 6AM alarm and went for a quick walk. Lazied around on that couch with a view. Got ready to finish off a few chores. Actually it started getting bad because a. A dose of daily discussion with this friend was ruled out today. And b. Airtel people. You may not want to believe but the good news or the happy news has nothing to do with closing the airtel issue. I generally have way with people and processes to a good extent. It’s the nature that wouldn’t listen to me. The same nature had turned against me 4 years back. It was at the end of 6 months in Chennai when my mom called up and told me that dad was pissing blood. I freaked out and started pushing my whole family to get to the best doctors asap and do as the docs suggested. We realized that it was a bladder cancer and that too pretty advanced. They actually don’t have stages for this type of cancer, its either initial or advanced or pretty advanced. The doctor suggested a surgery (lets call it procedure) immediately. I took the next flight home to be around for the procedure. It went well but the doctor was not too happy, he suggested bladder removal.

Dad was shocked and so were we. It was a huge decision not only will this shape his health but also his lifestyle for rest of his life.

Dad is an irritable character who also gets irritated quickly. A cow appearing in the middle of the road will be showered with choicest abuses. The grandson would be cursed if he changes a channel when dad is watching one of his favorite mythological fiction or one of those dubbed tam movies. He will blame the whole family for lack of rains. The global warming is only because a certain people are allowed to walk on this earth. His favorite past time used to be inventing new abuses and using them whenever the time is not apt, i.e. in front of kids. In most of the cases the kid used to be me. I have seen him as an angry old man since the day I can remember.

So coming back to his situation, now u can imagine the kind of torture we were being asked to sign for. If this guy loses his bladder we all start pissing in our pants.

We took second, third, fourth and fifth opinion every doctor wanted to remove his bladder. Man are they serious? They were actually talking of removing bladder as if it was something that every human being should experience. I took the matter in my hands and started sending his reports to all the big doctors in India and overseas I could connect with. Things started looking better and some of them actually ruled out possibility of removing bladder at this stage. Now I had to find a doctor in Baroda/Gujarat who shared the same opinion and will treat him accordingly. We met Dr Kamat, he suggested multiple rounds of procedures. He also put a word of caution that the bladder removal will only be delayed with whatever we do, the possibility of avoiding the inevitable was minute.

We decided to still give it a shot and go through the procedures. The number of procedures was initially thought to be 3 and post that we had to take a call. Dad went through 7 procedures and we kept on postponing the big one. Long story short. Its been 9 months since his last procedure and today the doctor conveyed that things look ok and we wouldn’t have to take the big step at least not in foreseeable future.

I am happy because my dad did it. He fought the cancer and kicked its ass. He didn’t do it with lifestyle change or by exercising he actually didn’t give up on his tambakoo also. I think it was his sheer stubbornness and baseless grit with which he killed cancer Second time. Oh didn’t I tell you he killed cancer 8 years back when it started eating into his intestine.

He is not all that happy you would imagine him to be, in the process/procedures he has lost any chance to continue his sex life at the young age of seventy three and he is grumpy about it.

Whats in the name

I have been working for banks for ten years.  During these ten years, I have seen bankers successful and mediocre in their career. I am yet to see a failure banker and this has nothing to do the stringent 3 minute interviews for recruiting people. May be its so simple that its too difficult to fail. The successful bankers are not necessarily the one portrayed in movies, the high flyer, quick thinker and smart talker. In fact a successful banker may be none of these. I have seen bankers whose oratory skills are worst than Laxman of Golmal 3, about their thinking prowess what will you call ppl who keep putting the global economy in jeopardy every now and then.

So what differentiates a successful banker from the other? The key differences are two, one an abashed guiltfree sense of belonging to bank and second the name. I will come to the second one first, the most successful bankers have names that will put voldemart to shame. Their surnames are generally short and north Indian types e.g. Khanna, Gupta, Ravi, Gahlot etc. I think its easier to win customers with impressive name imagine introducing yourself to a prospective client saying, Hello I am Popatlal Kannubhai Gadda… the client will rush to nearest facility to wash his hands. Now imagine meeting a prospect and introducing yourself as Hi I am Aditya Bhalla. Instant orgasm. His eyes will light up, and will hand over all the wealth to you including his shower duck.

So does it mean only the people with fancy names and surnames survive in banking. Well as I said earlier, everyone survives banking. So the people with not so fancy names have two ways to grow. One wait for the Gods to be kind, which never works cause a guy who doesn’t have fancy name even God wants to keep away from them. The second is modify your name, though I know a few who have gone to the extent of changing the name altogether. By modification I mean try to improvise on the name that your insensitive parents gave you. For example if your name is Kanchana Vasudevan (hypothetical name any resemblance to people living or dead is purely coincidental) you may consider calling yourself as Kay or Vee or KV or VK. You can sprinkle a few illogical vowels for extra effect, and call yourself Kayyyy or Kaaaayyyyy. After you decide on your reincarnation name you have to enforce it by using that name wherever possible. Just like charity the new name begins with yourself. To begin with you change your Whatsapp display name and slowly progress to your email signature and visiting cards. All this while make sure its not only you who addresses yourself as Kay. 

Coming to first quality an abashed guiltfree sense of belonging to bank. This definition is as deep as “to get things done with and from others”. I will try to explain in short. The sense of belonging does not mean that the successful banker will keep belonging to one bank.   This means that while working for a particular bank the banker is aware that his EMIs, branded apparel, alimony are being paid and by the bank. His me malik k liye kuch b karunga sensibility is stronger than that of Ramu Kaka’s towards Rajesh Khanna.

Remember this guru mantra and you will scale heights that a no one other than a guiltfree Mr. Singh can achieve. And ya remember your kid’s success lies in the name you bestow upon him. Signing off Mak