Whats in the name

I have been working for banks for ten years.  During these ten years, I have seen bankers successful and mediocre in their career. I am yet to see a failure banker and this has nothing to do the stringent 3 minute interviews for recruiting people. May be its so simple that its too difficult to fail. The successful bankers are not necessarily the one portrayed in movies, the high flyer, quick thinker and smart talker. In fact a successful banker may be none of these. I have seen bankers whose oratory skills are worst than Laxman of Golmal 3, about their thinking prowess what will you call ppl who keep putting the global economy in jeopardy every now and then.

So what differentiates a successful banker from the other? The key differences are two, one an abashed guiltfree sense of belonging to bank and second the name. I will come to the second one first, the most successful bankers have names that will put voldemart to shame. Their surnames are generally short and north Indian types e.g. Khanna, Gupta, Ravi, Gahlot etc. I think its easier to win customers with impressive name imagine introducing yourself to a prospective client saying, Hello I am Popatlal Kannubhai Gadda… the client will rush to nearest facility to wash his hands. Now imagine meeting a prospect and introducing yourself as Hi I am Aditya Bhalla. Instant orgasm. His eyes will light up, and will hand over all the wealth to you including his shower duck.

So does it mean only the people with fancy names and surnames survive in banking. Well as I said earlier, everyone survives banking. So the people with not so fancy names have two ways to grow. One wait for the Gods to be kind, which never works cause a guy who doesn’t have fancy name even God wants to keep away from them. The second is modify your name, though I know a few who have gone to the extent of changing the name altogether. By modification I mean try to improvise on the name that your insensitive parents gave you. For example if your name is Kanchana Vasudevan (hypothetical name any resemblance to people living or dead is purely coincidental) you may consider calling yourself as Kay or Vee or KV or VK. You can sprinkle a few illogical vowels for extra effect, and call yourself Kayyyy or Kaaaayyyyy. After you decide on your reincarnation name you have to enforce it by using that name wherever possible. Just like charity the new name begins with yourself. To begin with you change your Whatsapp display name and slowly progress to your email signature and visiting cards. All this while make sure its not only you who addresses yourself as Kay. 

Coming to first quality an abashed guiltfree sense of belonging to bank. This definition is as deep as “to get things done with and from others”. I will try to explain in short. The sense of belonging does not mean that the successful banker will keep belonging to one bank.   This means that while working for a particular bank the banker is aware that his EMIs, branded apparel, alimony are being paid and by the bank. His me malik k liye kuch b karunga sensibility is stronger than that of Ramu Kaka’s towards Rajesh Khanna.

Remember this guru mantra and you will scale heights that a no one other than a guiltfree Mr. Singh can achieve. And ya remember your kid’s success lies in the name you bestow upon him. Signing off Mak